That Gawky Girl

 I am a little person with a lot of anger in me. I get infuriated by very small things at people, but since, I cant express my rage at everyone, I have to suppress the feelings of anger, which not only cause harm to me but my mental health too.  You know what, getting annoyed easily is a sign of a weaker person. And since, I am a physically and emotionally a weaker person, I have a lot of anger in me. Sometimes, what I want is to kill the other person, or thrash anything that comes in my hand on the person in front of me. But of course, its not possible all the time, I have to give it up and stay traumatized or if the situation becomes out of hand, I have to release it out by crying. Sometimes, I do cry in front of others, sometimes, I cry in solace. but crying out helps.  Crying out is a good option but we should not only rely on crying out. We should think of a solution to the rage. First and foremost thing is that, you get angry only on those who are less powerful than...

Ok, I know, I am late. But, you know, its never too late. I also know that there should not be only a single day for fathers, mothers etc. But you know what, if you can do something extra on this day, can do wonders more than the ones you do everyday.  What I believe is that somehow from childhood to youth, we have left our parents behind. We have become so busy in our lives that we don't even notice the wrinkles on the faces of our parents. We don't even understand their needs which of course require time.  We Pakistanis are a special species, who never leave their parents even after marriage and settling down and continue living in their homes. 😆 The responsibilities shift, father gets retired, bills and other expenses are being paid by the children now. Father now stays in his room, children install an AC in his room, puts a separate TV set because it is difficult for him to come to Lounge, also, because no one else in the home watches TV now. Children gift the father a br...

کہا تھا ناں یوں سوتے ہوئے مت چھوڑ کے جانا مجھے بے شک جگا دینا بتا دینا کہ تمہیں رستہ بدلنا ہے، میری حد سے نکلنا ہے تمہیں کس بات کا ڈر تھا؟ میں تمہیں جانے نہیں دیتا؟؟ کہیں پہ قید کر لیتا ؟ ! ارے پاگل محبت کی طبیعت میں زبردستی نہیں ہوتی جسے رستہ بدلنا ہو ... اسے رستہ بدلنے سے  ،جسے حد سے نکلنا ہو ... اسے حد سے نکلنے سے نہ کوئی روک پایا ہے، نہ کوئی روک پائے گا  تو تمہیں کس بات کا ڈر تھا ؟ مجھے بے شک جگا دیتے، میں تم کو دیکھ ہی لیتا تمہیں کوئی دعا دیتا کم از کم یوں تو نہ ہوتا  میرے ساتھی یہ حقیقت ہے  ... تمہارے بعد کھونے کے لیے کچھ بھی نہیں باقی  . مگر میں اب کھونے سے ڈرتا ہوں، میں اب سونے سے ڈرتا ہوں ! کہا تھا ناں کہ یوں سوتے ہوئے مت چھوڑ کے جانا 

My School days were interesting enough. I did not study from a very lavish, big private English Medium school. I studied at an ordinary private school of the same kind that are usually situated at the corner of every gali, mohalla in Pakistan. It was not that small either, but it was not a big name. You can say, it was a mediocre level school which created enough impact on me that enabled me to do something good with my life.  It had a pretty big play ground, rather airy class rooms, decent teachers and an awesome Principal. I believe, a Principal of the school is the one who can make or break a school system.  OK, so, I was a studious child. I don't remember what was that thing, which made me studious. I never really worked hard at school for study. I just used to revise the things because, I loved doing homework. I think I had an interest in reading books that made me studious, otherwise I was not that genius. I always stood first in the class, ...

Life is a rough and patchy road. It never promises smooth ride. And when you are gawky like me, it becomes a thousands time more difficult. But that's ok, if its the same for everyone. LOL. Don't you think the thought relaxes you that if I am suffering a certain way, so as others. Selfish, but yes, it does. What my mantra is to be thankful for all the hardships, because at least we have something to tackle with.  I believe being thankful and have a positive mindset can change things. Steady life can be boring as well. You know what, when you have nothing on mind, no agenda, no plan, you become lazy, and ultimately it leads to depression, anxiety and what not.  Khair, I am an anxious, shy girl from Pakistan, want to say a lot but cannot, because introvert. 😑 Basically, I want to say a lot to people but don't want to be seen. Because, being with people is overwhelming for me. Sometimes, speaking more than 3 sentences becomes difficult for me, not because I don't have con...